Treading Water: How To Stay Afloat When Life Gets Crazy
Throughout my pregnancy, everybody told me, “Enjoy your life while you can! Once you have the baby you are going to be really exhausted.”
This always irritated me, because I was already exhausted in pregnancy and between the fatigue, nausea, heartburn, hip pain, and so on, it wasn’t like I was enjoying myself all that much.
Then I gave birth and was like, “Oh, I see what those people were talking about.” Having a baby is one of the craziest life changes I’ve ever gone through. While overall a very positive experience, it is still what I like to call a WTF Moment.
A What The Fuck (WTF) moment is an event in your life that stops you in your tracks and makes you rethink everything. While we generally think of it as a negative situation (cancer, death, breakup, etc.) it can equally be a positive occurrence, such as marriage, birth of a child, or a career change.
When sweet Ella Rose finally entered this world my whole world turned upside down. Sleep became a luxury as I spent countless hours feeding, burping, changing, soothing and cooing at my tiny human.
My body was in bad shape after an unplanned c-section, and just being able to take a short walk or get up and down the stairs was an issue. I was lucky if I made it through the day with my head still on my shoulders.
So when it came time to GSD (get shit done) again, I felt like a deer in headlights. As a coach, I teach my clients how to GSD with intention and in the most efficient and productive way. And suddenly there I was, faced with a situation in which I was barely treading water, let alone swimming towards anything.
So what have I been doing to cope? How am I adjusting to this major life change? How am I still managing to GSD?
Here are some of my top tips, applicable to new moms but also to anyone who is going through a difficult life change:
Get Help: As much as possible. Don’t be afraid to ask family and friends, and be specific about what you need. If you can afford to hire help, do it. If someone wants to gift you a meal train, a housecleaner, or a night nurse (literally the best present for new parents EVER), count your blessings and get the thank you notes out! We are human, and we are not meant to go through life’s biggest challenges alone.
Give Yourself Grace: When Ella was just 3 weeks old, I had to take care of her by myself for 48 straight hours because it was a holiday weekend and my husband was on call at the hospital. In the middle of the second night I broke down. How would I ever be able to work again if I was this tired? Was I a terrible mother who couldn’t keep my baby from crying? I took a deep breath and reminded myself that “this too shall pass” and that the newborn phase is just that, a phase. One day, God-willing, little Ella will sleep through the night and so will Mommy. In the meantime, I am practicing self-compassion and being as flexible as I can with work and other commitments. My 7 minute self compassion meditation has been a wonderful tool during this time!
Practice Mindfulness: Whether the major life change you are facing is negative or positive, mindfulness is your best friend. With Ella, I have to remind myself to stop and smell the roses. She’ll never be this little again and I want to be present for these cherished moments together. Likewise, when things are tough, mindfulness alleviates suffering caused by ruminating on the past or the future and has even been shown to reduce or eliminate physical pain. There are so many ways to practice mindfulness, but one simple tip is to just stop and count to 10 with your breath, focusing on the sensation of breathing in the body.
Put Your Seatbelt on First: Self-care is absolutely key in surviving a challenge. You simply can’t take care of others if you are a complete mess. In the case of new motherhood, that means at minimum making sure you have a plan to shower once a day, feed yourself, stay hydrated and be able to use the bathroom when nature calls. This may mean planning meals ahead, setting a reminder on your phone to drink a glass of water, and putting a swing next to your bathroom so that you can keep tabs on El Baby while you close your eyes and let that warm water envelope your tired, aching body. If you have the space and energy, you can add in even more self-care gems, like meditating, doing some yoga, getting your nails done, or calling a good friend for a chat.
Take Baby Steps (no pun intended): When you go through a major life challenge or change, chances are it will take a toll on your body. In my case, cancer, IVF, and childbirth all left me somewhat disabled for a significant chunk of time. For someone used to doing so much, this was physically and emotionally challenging. How would I get through a day of work if I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open? How would I ever get my body back in shape if I couldn’t even go down my own stairs, let alone walk my dog or go for a run? After giving myself some grace, I decided to take baby steps. I started out working super part time, took many extra breaks, and began with a short walk around the block, walking just a little bit farther each day.
Limit your bag of fucks: Life is full of worries, but we can only give so many fucks at once. When you have too many worries in your bag of fucks, you become anxious, overwhelmed, and often feel hopeless. So just imagine that you have a bag, and in that bag you are allowed to have no more than 3 fucks to give at a time. Choose them wisely, and when something comes up that isn’t currently part of your bag of fucks, put it back on the shelf for another time.
If you are interested in fine-tuning any of these skills or getting personalized recommendations to thrive through your major life change, make sure to sign up for my Waiting List to be the first to book a consultation when I return from maternity leave next month!