In my last few posts, I‘ve been talking about how we can reflect and set intentions for the coming year. While I usually don’t post about Judaism (I am not particularly religious), I think that the Jewish High Holidays offer a great framework for this transformation.

According to Judaism, on Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, the pearly gates of heaven open and God or the Universe is able to more clearly listen to our prayers, our hopes, and our dreams. The gates stay open for 10 days, during which time we have the opportunity to ask God and others for forgiveness for our wrongs this past year. This process culminates in the Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur, which is our last day to beg for forgiveness before the gates close.

Yom Kippur is incredibly powerful. It is about recognizing our common humanity and offering compassion and forgiveness to ourselves and others because let’s face it, no one is perfect. It is about pledging to do better next year. We know that there will be mistakes again, but we are committed to learning and growing from our mistakes. And in return, we allow ourselves to have a clean slate. It isn’t about absolution. It’s about letting go of the baggage that prevents us from being our best selves moving forward.

Set Aside Your Ego And Apologize

If you haven’t already, now is a great time to make a list of people you have wronged in the past year and consider reaching out to apologize for any harm you’ve caused them. I’m not talking about a boilerplate Facebook post or a text message. I am talking about a true connection to this person who you have wronged, whether it is a phone call, a Zoom date, meeting IRL, or a personal email/ letter. It can be so hard to admit that we were wrong, and we may feel shame in revisiting the wrong by asking for forgiveness, but you’ll feel better, I promise!

Why is that? Well, by offering our unconditional love to other human beings, despite their shortcomings, what they did or didn’t do or whether they hurt us, we free up our energy to feel good and we elevate our consciousness. No one on this planet is responsible for your feelings and happiness except for you. So ask for forgiveness and grant it to others freely.

When you make your list of people to ask forgiveness from, make sure you don’t leave out the most important person - YOU. Most of us are so hard on ourselves, so judgmental and self-critical. The woman who looks in the mirror and calls herself fat, the man who thinks he is ugly, the new mom who tells herself she isn’t good enough, the person who got laid off this year and calls himself a loser. If you haven’t said one nasty thing to yourself all year, you must be a pretty enlightened being!

Exercises to forgive yourself deeply and from the heart

1. Write yourself a letter, just like you would anyone else on your list who you have wronged.

2. Do this self-forgiveness meditation.

3. Ask yourself what you plan to do with your clean slate? Will you repeat the same behavior this next year? Or would you like to grow in some way, and if so, what concrete steps might you take to do that?

You and you alone have the power to forgive yourself and feel better, don’t forget it!