How To Have Faith In The Face of Uncertainty
I have a complicated relationship with faith and trust.
I want very badly to trust that everything is going to work out:
To know that my daughter is going to grow up healthy, safe and happy.
That my husband will get a job after his fellowship somewhere that I’ll be happy living.
That my business will succeed and I’ll have financial security, on my own terms.
That if we decide to have a second child, it will happen one way or another.
That I’ll live a long, beautiful life.
That I won’t get cancer again.
But faith and trust in these things don’t come naturally to me. I have to work at it every single day.
I pride myself on being honest. Honest with others, but also with myself. In fact, honesty and its close cousin authenticity are the cornerstones of my coaching practice: I teach women how to dive deep into their souls in order to find their authentic, true purpose and beliefs.
And honestly, sometimes I don’t know that everything is going to work out.
Especially since I’ve been burned before.
Having been through cancer and infertility, I am extremely sensitive to the claim that we can “manifest” our destinies, because in some cases as much as we want things to be ok, they are not.
I got diagnosed with breast cancer at age 28. It was out of my control and due to a gene that I inherited (BRCA1). How can I ever trust my body not to betray me again?
I wanted to have a family so badly. But as much as we tried naturally (those were the good old days pre-baby!) it just didn’t happen.
And if I look beyond my own experience, I am forced to come face to face with a harsh reality: Bad things can happen to good people. Beautiful women, my friends, have perished far too young from breast cancer.
Now, you’ll notice that I’ve italicized some sentences above. What do those sentences have in common? Whether true or not, they are deeply held beliefs that I have developed over the past 10 years (and possibly even longer) as a result of my experiences and traumas.
The truth is, I don’t know that I won’t get cancer again. I don’t know that I’ll be able to have a second child. I don’t know that everything is going to be ok.
But I also don’t not know that. And frankly, subscribing to these cautious, pessimistic beliefs about the future (again, whether true or not) are not doing me any favors. In fact, they are damaging my ability to achieve my goals.
I’ve always struggled with the concept of God. You can’t see God or talk to God (at least, s/he won’t answer you.) So how do you know for sure that God exists?
I once asked a religious Jew this question. It seemed like her life was so structured and in some ways restricted based on her faith in God. I wanted to know whether she’d be disappointed if, when she dies one day, she finds out that God - or the Jewish concept of God, isn’t true.
This young woman’s response has stuck with me for a long time. She said, “Oh well, at the end of the day if it all turned out to be a hoax I would have lived a wonderful life.”
And therein lies the secret to faith and trust, my friends. I am not sure whether I will ever get to a place where my faith and trust is so deep that I simply know something is going to happen, or be ok, or work out. In fact, I’m currently working on this in my own personal development. (Yes, coaches also work on themselves constantly!)
But that’s not the point. The point is that allowing my thoughts to constantly and automatically lean towards the glass being half empty is hurting me, not helping me. It causes anxiety and fear, which in turn impacts my actions, interactions and ultimately, my results.
So I have to work hard to let go, every single day, of those beliefs and thoughts that don’t serve me and instead subscribe to those that do.
And what’s crazy, is that it kind of works! When I allow myself to hope, believe, and trust, not only do I feel much better, but I see my outcomes change.
Where could you use a little faith in your life right now? Let me know!
P.S. Here’s my favorite anthem for when I need a little faith…Enjoy!