a very merry half birthday: 6 months to 40!
Today is my half birthday, and it’s a big one. In just 6 short months, I’ll be closing out another decade and ringing in the big 4-0.
I know that age is just a number, but 40 feels significant. A few hundred years ago, I would have already surpassed the average lifespan. And I definitely don’t feel like I have lived a lifetime yet. So much more is still to come, perhaps even the best years of my life.
Existentially, I feel a little nervous about turning 40. It feels like the clock is ticking down, like time is flying too fast. 40 is the age where you start to see people have significant health issues -although ironically, I had one much earlier on! But the 40s are the time of menopause (which will be even earlier for me, thanks BRCA), of mandatory mammograms, of the end of childbearing, of middle-agedness, of the beginning of heart disease. Yikes!
I have to remind myself sometimes that 40 is 10 more years than I thought I would live at one point. That every day, every milestone, is a gift. That aging and time is out of my control. But what is in my control is how well I spend that time.
When I reflect back on my 30s I am in awe of the transformations and the journey that I’ve taken:
I was pretty much bald when I turned 30 thanks to chemo!
I moved to Tel Aviv, then to San Francisco and then to Philadelphia… and will be moving a third time this summer before I hit 40 (location divulged below!)
I changed careers twice - from lawyer to non-profit exec and then to executive coach. I love what I do now!
I met (or re-met to be accurate) my husband and got married.
Covid happened. Whomp whomp.
Frankie Doodle became a part of our family. And after a long struggle, Ella Rose joined the crew.
Wow, what a journey I’ve had this past decade!
So with just 6 months to go until I turn 40, am I asking myself, how do I want to close out this decade of my life?
When I first sat down to think about this question, I came up with a long list of things I want to accomplish:
I want to get pregnant again. (Prayers and good vibes please!)
I want to enjoy my time with Ella and Frankie. I want to go on adventures with Ella and watch her learn and grow.
I want to do meaningful and impactful work. I want to live my purpose.
I want to get some of my writing published somewhere exciting.
I want to move to Portland (YES it’s Portland, Oregon!) with ease and grace. I want us to start building a home, a community, a routine, and a support network.
I want us to have some time together as a family before Oren starts his new job. And I want to spend some quality time with my parents and celebrate my mom’s 75th birthday! (Now THAT is a crazy milestone.)
This is my ideal vision for myself for the next 6 months. And I am putting it out there to the Universe in the hopes that it comes to fruition.
But some of this is out of my control. And I don’t want to attach my happiness and fulfillment to things that are out of my control. Or even things that are in my control, frankly.
A lot of people think that when they DO [insert action] they will HAVE [insert goal] and that then they will BE happy, fulfilled, and at peace.
I used to be one of those people - I still am sometimes if I am being honest. A high achiever who has spent most of my life striving to reach challenging goals. And I’ve achieved a great deal in my nearly 4 decades on this Earth.
But achieving goals isn’t what brings us happiness and peace. Rather, it is happiness and peace that brings us achievement.
So, when I think about what I want for these next 6 months, I’d like to be happy and peaceful. Mindful. Open. Compassionate. And Inspired.
The rest will flow as it should.
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