5 Tips to Survive Mother's Day When You Are Dealing With Infertility
Are you dreading Mother’s Day this Sunday?
I’ve been there. I went through infertility (including 3 IUIs, 5 rounds of IVF, and multiple failed embryo transfers) for several years and I remember that sinking feeling in my chest each time May rolled around.
I remember bracing myself for the anger and the jealousy, the guilt and shame for not being able to be happy for others, and the deep, deep sadness underneath it all.
Eventually my journey with infertility ended with the birth of my beautiful miracle baby Ella Rose. But as I gear up for my first Mother’s Day as a mother, I find myself feeling conflicted.
Some of that is survivor’s guilt, and some of it is just genuine, aching compassion for my friends and the millions of women out there who I know will experience that suffering I remember all too well.
If there’s anything I learned from my battle with infertility (and from my experience coaching other women through it), it’s these 5 tips:
Take a break from social media! You know that your feed is going to be full of pictures that will break your heart. So do yourself a favor and get off Facebook and Instagram for a few days until the wave passes.
Have some self-compassion. Infertility is hard. Really hard. But you are not alone. Be kind to yourself, the same way you’d be kind to a friend who was going through something like this. Treat yourself to something that makes you happy, like a massage, mani-pedi, sci-fi movie with buttery popcorn, whatever floats your boat!
Check your Mother’s Day Mindset. Did you know that Mother’s Day (like Valentine’s Day) is actually a commercialized Hallmark holiday created by corporations so that you will buy stuff? Their marketing conditions us to have insane expectations and feel bad about ourselves if we aren’t part of this picture of fake happiness. No joke, the original founder of Mother’s Day in the early 1900’s disowned the holiday when it became over-commercialized. It’s ok to say f*ck off to this perverted version of what honoring a mother looks like. And if Mother’s Day is meaningful to you because you want to honor a loved one, then absolutely do that! It doesn’t take a brunch, flowers, a gift or even a card to honor the mothers in our lives.
Remind yourself that this too shall pass. One day, if you choose it, you will be a mother. You don’t necessarily get to choose when or how, but if you will it, it will be.
Find your crew. The best thing that I got out of infertility (other than eventually a baby) is a group of lifelong friends from a support group for women going through infertility that I joined. Connect with others who are going through this. Make plans with them. Be there for each other.
If you haven’t yet found a close-knit, intimate group like this, I’ll be launching one soon specifically curated for women going through infertility. Sign up here to get notified when spots open.