How Cheating Death Twice Made Me Appreciate My Birthday

My grandmother used to say the only way to avoid getting old is to die young. 

How we feel about birthdays is a matter of perspective

Tomorrow I am turning 39 years old, just one year away from the big 4-0! I’ll be honest, it’s a little scary. I used to love my birthday. Turning 16 was a blast. So was 18, 21, 25 and even 30. But as I approach middle age (actually I think technically I’m already considered middle aged), I’ve started to feel a sense of dread when it comes to birthdays. Like, stop! I’m good now. I don’t want to keep getting older!

And then I remember that birthdays are a gift. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 28, I didn’t know whether I would make it to my 30th birthday. Thanks to good luck (early detection through a self-exam) and modern medicine, here I am a decade later. I guess you could say I cheated death. And from that perspective, turning 39, or 40, or even 80 is definitely better than the alternative. 

“Natural” is not always better: Modern Medicine saves lives

I cheated death for a second time last year when I gave birth to Ella. After 50 hours of labor, I developed preeclampsia and had to have an emergency c-section. Yet again, modern medicine saved my life. There is still a negative stigma around c-sections and formula feeding. Many women I know judge themselves for not being able to mother “naturally.” Well, again, when the alternative is death, things don’t look so bad after all!

People sometimes view traditional, Western medicine as unnatural, full of chemicals, or untrustworthy, and there is a growing trend of people who ignore medical guidelines in favor of more natural approaches. (Shining case in point - vaccines.) The average life-span 150 years ago was only 39.4. As of 2020, it was 78.8. At the beginning of the 20th century, for every 1000 live births, six to nine women in the United States died of pregnancy-related complications, and approximately 100 infants died before age 1. By 1997, the CDC reported a 99% reduction in maternal mortality rates and a 97% reduction in infant mortality rates. 

Why do you think that is? A hint - modern, Western medicine. With the advent of antibiotics, vaccines and treatments for devastating illnesses such as polio and cancer, and routine, standardized prenatal and neonatal care, people are living longer than ever. That’s a good thing!

There is always room for improvement, but we can still be grateful

Now, does that mean things can’t be better? Absolutely not! I wish that the USDA and FDA would outright outlaw pesticide-ridden foods and products containing harmful chemicals rather than just let wealthy Americans purchase organic, healthier versions at a higher price point. I am 100% pro Eastern and integrative medicine techniques when used to reduce symptoms, improve quality of life, and supplement traditional medical treatments. I dramatically changed what I put in and on my body after breast cancer and did acupuncture throughout my IVF journey.

But I also did chemo, and I also injected myself with hormones. By the way, did you know that some of the chemo I received (Taxol) is actually derived from trees? The point is, we can recognize and be grateful for modern medicine, while also continuing to improve standards and integrating other safe techniques. 

It’s ok to feel sad about aging and also grateful for what that means

Similarly, we can recognize and be grateful for each birthday, no matter how high the number gets, while also feeling a sense of longing and nostalgia for our younger selves. And we can also recognize and find gratitude in the wisdom and gifts of our age. I know so much more now than I did when I was 29 years old. I have so much more to offer the world. I have experienced so many incredible things in just this past year and I know that I will only continue to experience more joys in my time to come. 

Tomorrow I turn 39, and I’m grateful. I’m grateful for my daughter and my family. I am grateful for the ability to serve others in my work. And I’m grateful to be alive. Every sunrise, every smile, every breath is a true gift.