How to Cope (and thrive) when life throws you a curve-ball

A lot of my coaching focuses on how to thrive through a “WTF Moment” in life. Basically, when life throws you a curveball, I teach you how to hit a home run. 

And that teaching is not only based on my training as a coach, but on my own life experience, having thrived through several WTF Moments (breast cancer, infertility, birth of my first child, etc.) 

One of the most important (and most difficult) things I teach my clients during my coaching program is how to persevere when the going gets tough. Because that’s life. Dynamic. Always changing. Unpredictable. 

So you’d think I’d be an expert when it comes to dealing with WTF Moments. But last weekend, life threw me a major curveball, and I have to be honest, I am struggling.

And that’s because the first step in dealing with a major life challenge is finding acceptance. That means allowing negative emotions to run their course. It means grieving. Being angry. Screaming into a dozen pillows. Having some good cries.

I am currently not at liberty to disclose what this most recent WTF Moment is because it is not something that only affects me, which makes it even more challenging to process. For me, sharing my story has been a great and healthy coping mechanism. When I share my writing, I feel my entire body lighten. It’s as if the heavy burden on my shoulders has somehow been dispersed into the Universe, no longer mine alone to bear.

So without explaining exactly what this current WTF Moment is, I’m going to do my best to do that here. 

I’ll start with a disclaimer - thank God, this WTF Moment does not have to do with my health or the health of my family. We are all physically healthy and I am exceedingly grateful for that.

This WTF Moment is actually grounded in anxiety about the future. How will I get through this? What if it isn’t going to be ok? This is going to be so difficult and unpleasant. Why is this happening to me? This is so unfair.

Sound familiar to anyone?

During the pandemic, I authored a book on how to thrive through the COVID-19 crisis from my perspective as a cancer survivor. I actually went back and reread my own book to put together a plan for how to cope with this most recent WTF Moment.

The book contains 5 steps, but only the first 3 bear relevance at present. That’s because each of the steps build on each other, somewhat like the stages of grief in the case of death of a loved one.

So I’ll be focusing on those first 3 steps here. 

What to do in the early stages of a major life challenge or crisis (a WTF Moment)

Step 1: Find acceptance and process emotions

As a rule of thumb, you must accept a situation before you can begin taking action to thrive despite it. This doesn’t mean that you should take something lying down or let people walk all over you. It simply means that you need to separate what is in your control from what is out of your control, and accept that which is out of your control. 

Logically, it makes sense that if you are spending time and energy fighting something that is out of your control, you are wasting that time and energy since the outcome won’t change. However, we are human beings and we have emotions. Denying or suppressing those emotions also has negative consequences. 

So in the case of a WTF Moment, acceptance means allowing those negative emotions to flow in order to process them, so that moving forward, you can heal and take effective action towards your goals. For more tips on how to engage in this step as well as some exercises, check out my short E-book that I mentioned above.

Step 2: Engage in Self-Compassion

This is not about wallowing in self-pity. This is about recognizing that you are going through something hard and giving yourself permission to take a well-deserved break from your suffering. It’s about recognizing that you are not alone in your suffering (even though it often feels lonely) and perhaps reaching out to others for support. Soothing yourself with kindness and positive activities that generate pleasure. Sometimes, you really just need a f*cking hug!

You can check out a free recording of my self-compassion meditation here.

I also love Kristin Neff’s website (the founder of Mindful Self-Compassion) and she has tons of free meditations and activities.

Step 3: Practice Mindfulness By Staying in the Present Moment

A lot of suffering is caused by our minds jumping into either the past or the future. Remember those anxious thoughts I told you I was having? How will I get through this? What if it isn’t going to be ok? This is going to be so difficult and unpleasant. Why is this happening to me? This is so unfair.

These thoughts, often happening subconsciously and automatically, are not helpful. All they do is create more negative emotions, in my case anxiety and anger. Again, negative emotions in reaction to a WTF Moment are normal and they should be allowed and processed (see Step 1), but at a certain point, ruminating and allowing them to run unchecked isn’t going to do you any favors.

The best way I know to stop these negative thoughts from running your life is to stay in the NOW. Not in the past. Not in the future. But just bring yourself back to the now, where “this is how it is right now.” Most of the time, the way it is right now is not that bad. It might not be that good either but that is ok. We are looking for neutral ground. A place of calm. Peace. And presence. 

If you are interested in more of the philosophy behind the Power of Now, I encourage you to check out Eckhart Tolle’s work, as well as the work of mindfulness based stress reduction founder Jon Kabat-Zinn.

These first three steps can take days, weeks or months, depending on how experienced you are and whether or not you have support and guidance. But once you master them, you regain your power over the situation and over your life. You have the ability to act, to make the best out of the situation, and to fight back if need be from a place of self-love rather than self-doubt. 

You can turn that foul ball into a home run.